May 12
In every person’s army service here, at least once, the point comes where it’s that “make or break” moment. There is really nothing easy about what we do here. When we are training, for example, we eat a can of corn, sardines, three cans of tuna, a bar of halva, and a can of sliced peaches…for a whole day…for four people. Also when we are training these days, it’s always around 100 degrees without much shade, and it’s much hotter inside the tank with a lot of gear on. I am not even mentioning how little we get to see our homes, or in my case, my room. These are what cause these moments to happen where people just have had enough and start feeling depression. Thankfully, I had mine much earlier in my service (up until now at least), and now I can look back on it for minor motivation in passing hard moments. But for many others here, that not-so-good time has come.
Four weeks ago we were sitting in the shetach (the desert where we train) and were having a heated conversation about the people in the platoon, how to help the atmosphere, and things of that nature. It was really pissing me off what was taking place (in general). I stood up and spoke my mind. I explained that before I came I dreamed of seeing young men and women proud and motivated to defend their country. Not only was I embarrassed, but somewhat saddened. But you know what? It doesn’t matter…we are all eating it hard together, so we might as well do it and do it in a somewhat fun manner.
We’ve started working hard on attacking methods in the tank. It requires a lot of focus and, on my part, leg power on the brake. Even if it hurts at the end of the day, it’s still more fun than other things we sometimes do in between. For example, because of being in the top tank, just like I explained in a prior entry, means filling in the empty gaps. These include kitchen duty (which I despise) and more guarding (which gets annoying). But in between it all, there are still moments which stand out that will always be in my mind when I think back to my service. In this case, it was what I experienced leading up from Yom Ha’shoah to Yom Ha’zikaron finishing with Yom Ha’atzmaut.
As many know, a siren is sounded to commemorate a moment of silence for those who were murdered in the Holocaust and soldiers who fell in Israel’s battles throughout history. My view was picturesque as the clock was about to strike 10 on Yom Ha’shoah. All I saw was miles and miles of desert. And I, along with my friends and fellow tank staff members Mickey and Matan and my commander, stood on our tank waiting for the sound. I actually didn’t expect to hear anything. Then it started ringing. I can’t say that this was the most proper place to commemorate, but I felt something special. I always try that positive spin thing, and if those people who unrightfully lost their lives could see the land they dreamed of, and how strong she is, they would be more than proud. That made the rest of the week simply good.
Next, a week later, came the day to remember the soldiers and I was living it from the other side this time. I was going to be a soldier in a ceremony instead of taking in the day as a citizen or an American Jew. I felt very honored to be helping the families of fallen fellow tank brigade soldiers, but it didn’t feel like the day I remembered when I was here four years ago. I’ve never personally known someone who died in battle, nor do I ever want to encounter that. I know of heroes that I could only dream of meeting to show them what I’m doing for them and their country. I don’t even care if those people would remember my name, just that they saw that people still have the drive to keep this country alive.
Next we moved on to celebrate Israel’s independence, but it didn’t feel so independent in the army. We had a barbeque the night of the holiday which made us feel like a million bucks. Any time the army gives you something you don’t normally get (extra sleep, amazing food, time to talk on your cell phone), it causes you to feel like you won the lottery. However, the day after, instead of partying with the rest of the country, I was assigned to sit next to a gate at Latrun near nothing and nobody, being ready to open it if there was an emergency. Not exactly my idea of how I wanted to celebrate my first independence day as a new citizen. Unfortunately, that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes in the army. At least what I was doing was letting others have a good time on the outside, or that’s how I tried to think of it at least.
There are still times when people feel that depression. It’s something that’s hard to combat in times of hard work, lack of sleep, and hot weather. But I think, or hope at least, that in the end, the guys and I will see what we worked so hard for and it will all be very worthwhile. We’ll celebrate those independence days and think that without the hardships we do, the country might not exist, and for that we must stay strong and keep on doing what we do.
