Tank Commander's Course - Weeks 4-6

September 12

Tank Commander’s Course Weeks 4-6

We returned back to the base with the knowledge that we weren’t going to be going home for another three week stint, which makes the returning to the army a little harder because of the thought that one doesn’t see home for such an extended amount of time. These were considered to also be the three hardest weeks in the course because it was intense training all the time and it was continuous hours in the tank learning in gradual steps how to be a commander, finishing with our first time being a commander with live fire of multiple rockets. The challenge was going to be big, but the idea of getting to do this also seemed interesting, so we all tried to take on the point of view that it could possibly be fun. This is the attitude one has to take in situations like this because of the amount of time one will spend training and not seeing a shower or real food or home for such a long time. And you know what? It definitely pays off.

As we do with everything in the army, we led up to the final product in steps, learning from the base all the way to the big thing. The first week, we entered into the tanks without any movement and practiced the commands that we need to say to our other crew members in the tank and what we do in different situations, such as if an enemy soldier pops up on the side or when tanks are ready to fire at us. We then practiced our first movement in the tanks, travelling backwards and forwards and pretending to shoot at the enemy. The first time doing this was a wild experience, much more than it was driving the first time because your head is outside of the tank and you feel as though you’re flying in a way, floating on the Earth. I actually accomplished these tasks really quickly and really well, something I was proud of myself for. The only problem that in the army, that isn’t always the best thing because it meant that I was free to do other things such as…kitchen – the worst. I was placed there twice for the remainder of the first week with great dissatisfaction, but was happy to make it to the first Shabbat where I was able to rest up after a hard, physical week and to prepare for another one that was to follow.

Next, we returned immediately to the shetach with a similar week to follow, only this time we were going to be doing a full drill in the tank moving completely forward while practicing a full-on attack and firing most of the weapons on the tank, minus the rockets. This was going to be again challenging but also fun because we were going to taking that huge, expensive vehicle for a spin and using ample ammunition along the way. In addition, since we can’t all be commanders at the same time, we were able to practice the other positions many times over, making us even more experienced within the tank and understanding the roles of each position. Although each position is hard it its own way, they each have their really fun moments, ones that can’t really be described to someone who hasn’t tried them. But the one thing they all have in common is that if you do them while giving 100%, the experience is that much better. We finished the week having been a commander in the moving tank with firing for the first time, but we knew it was going to become more difficult with more things added on, but thankfully had another Shabbat to rest up before the upcoming week.

We didn’t waste any time on the third week, travelling to the shetach on Saturday night right after Shabbat ended. We woke up early on Sunday morning, got the tanks ready, and prepared for the most important week in the entire course, mostly due to the fact that it is with this week’s training that someone essentially finishes all of the necessary training to become a commander. But as stated earlier, we wanted to try having fun while also giving our all so that it wouldn’t feel like a mandatory week of training but more like an interesting and fun one. The first day I played to the role of water boy (bringing the people who were training water) and wasn’t involved much in the training because there wasn’t enough space for all of us to get the things done that we needed to. The next day, I started as the other members in the tank a few times, not looking as though I would get in my time as a commander (one needs to do both day and night for the training). Then, right before sunset, I was summoned to “prepare” my soldiers for our trek through the training, something that was also added to this week. Each time we were the commander, we had to run through what we were doing, how we were going to do it, and other bits and pieces such as information on the enemy or on our strength. I did a fairly good job but didn’t have any time to breathe, as I quickly did the night one as well. The reason they rushed me into finishing was because on the Tuesday of the week, it was a “fun day” for lone soldiers. This was really nice to partake in as they took us to the beach and just gave us a nice day off to relax and clear our minds and show their support for all that we do. It is a great feeling when people, other soldiers really, take time out of their days to show appreciation – it really makes you feel a little better on a daily basis with what you are doing.

We finished the “hardest part” of the course and in the end it wasn’t so bad after all. We were well on our way to the light at the end of the tunnel as we had finished half of the course and basically all of the necessary training as well. Although it was continuously going to be challenging, this was a positive reinforcement that we really could accomplish anything thrown our way, we just needed to take it easy and take it one step at a time. The weeks to follow aren’t supposed to be as difficult physically, but the challenge is always going to be present. But I know we are going to make it fun along the way and finish the rest of the course with pride and dignity for what we are becoming – commanders in the Israeli army.

Tank Commander's Course - Weeks 1-3

August 22, 2009

Because the world moves at turbo speed, it sometimes becomes difficult to even find time to breathe. My time in America flew and then I had to return from the dream life of vacation back to reality which is the army. No more waking up when I wanted to. No more eating what I wanted to when I wanted to. No more sleeping on a comfortable bed every night. I chose to make the transition fast in order to not allow myself second thoughts about the army thing, even though it didn’t really make a difference seeing that I had signed a two-year contract of sorts the October before. However, making a fast transition back into the army into an intense course, not just everyday training like I had done up until this point, changes the entire ballgame. This was going to be a commander’s course – a lot more was to be expected of me and it was going to be more challenging mentally and physically than ever before, with more responsibility being at the head of the new expectations.

I returned to base for the first time in a few weeks and it felt a little weird to be back but at the same time I was happy to see my friends again and tell them my “wild stories” as they called them from my time in the states. There wasn’t very much time for anything like that – the army doesn’t like to waste time, especially when they only have three months to train you to become a tank commander. We filled out all of our paperwork, learned the new rules for the course, and were off and rolling. The first two weeks were going to be just classes on the tank followed by a week of practical learning training about what we learned at a basic level, similar to what I had in basic training when I had 7 weeks of the tank driving course. The only difference was this was three weeks overall…on the entire tank…at a much higher level of learning because, let’s face it, knowing how to command a position and how to simply operate it at a simple level is very different. Talk about a two-week crash course in tanks that felt sometimes like it hit me head on like, well, a tank.

The classes started every day at 7:30 every morning and lasted until 10:00 every night, with an hour break for lunch and 30 minutes for dinner. And there wasn’t a theme of sorts to the day’s lessons – the material popped all over the place and didn’t focus on one position’s information. Let’s just say my brain was already exploding after one day’s worth of classes. And, in addition to the long day of classes, there was also nightly homework and a test every morning on everything that was learned the day before. Every night, the teachers, the girls who were specialized in different subjects, would come and help us with what we had learned. For me, this turned into almost a review in a private lesson format because of the amount of the information being thrown in our direction. Most people would finish all of their work by about 12 or 1 at night and head to bed. In case it wasn’t known, Hebrew is not my first language – therefore, it would take me much more time to not only finish the work, or even half of it. I averaged about three hours of sleep each night during the classes and I would go to sleep without having finished the work because, well, I knew I wouldn’t last on one hour of sleep.

Everyone was very helpful and really tried hard to make sure I understood what was going on. I even had two of my friends from my Garin who are tank instructors, Maor and Inbal (the latter actually taught one of my lessons), and this made things a lot easier. But changin the level of difficulty from almost impossible to very challenging doesn’t cause one to feel so confident in absorption of the material. I was receiving 50% and 60% on the tests – and let me say I was thrilled with myself. I was learning and could see it, and sure I wasn’t remembering everything but I was making progress. It was then I reminded myself that I just need to try my best and give it my all and that’s all anyone can ask of me, and the rest would work out. I also knew that once we left the classroom and got into the tanks and used our learning for practicality, I would start feeling more comfortable and I would be able to show that I knew what was going on and I wasn’t just some guy who didn’t understand anything.

The third week we finally left the classroom and went to start training and it was probably the happiest I had ever been to do something like this since starting the army. The commanders, or “gardeners” as they’re called in the course, were very surprised at how well I was doing, partly because during the lessons I was somewhat behind the other guys because of the language barrier. But I used the skills I had obtained throughout my service of watching really closely what to do and remembering what to say from when my friends would start their practicing and this is how I learned the best. I was even surprising myself with how well I did in certain things, specifically shooting from the tank for the first time and simply doing everything with the most energy (that I didn’t have) I could, such as the loading (which is all about will).

When it was all said and done, I felt like I had accomplished a lot in the first three weeks. However, this was the first step in what we were here to do and that was learning how to become tank commanders. What we had done up until this point was learning the other positions in the tank besides the commander. We were really just getting started and a lot lay ahead of us in terms of knowledge and training. It is somewhat humorous that within three weeks I was officially trained enough to be the other two positions in the tank when it had taken seven just to be a driver. That is a great picture of how the army works sometimes – they want to get their most bang for their buck and get the most results in the shortest amount of time possible. But from a basic standpoint, we all felt like within three weeks we were much more confident in what the tank can do and how we can use that knowledge to our advantage. We had passed this level and now it was on to the real deal – taking the reigns as the commander.

The American Reunion Tour

July 31

Fresh off of finishing our big training and being official fighters in the army, we knew we had about a month of random tasks and tidbits to take care of before the tank commander’s course would start. None of us really knew what this meant or what would be happening, but what we did know is that sitting around and doing nothing was not something we wanted to be doing. Becoming bored (among other things) in the army is an easy way to lower motivation and the drive that keeps soldiers wanting to give or fight because they feel somewhat insignificant. Thankfully, the five weeks weren’t all going to be a bore, but surely there would be many moments that would make us want to pull (the little amounts that are allowed of) our hair out.

The first week was taking place during an exercise of the entire brigade – all of the generals, commanders, hummer drivers, etc. Of course, what is an exercise if there is no enemy, which is where we came in to play. For the entire week, we wore old American uniforms and pretended to be Hezbollah and help the other soldiers practice what they needed to. This was actually a pretty cool experience being able to just sit out in the shetach by ourselves (with three people) for 24 hours straight and plan our own methods of attack with fake bullets and fireworks and things of that nature. Although it was tiring, it was also fun just sitting there with friends for hours on end and getting to do something that was like playing in a huge game of hide and seek.

After the week ended, I was fortunate enough that my parents came to visit me for the second time since I joined the army. This time was a little different than the first mainly that I wasn’t in the middle of training at the time so I wasn’t as tired as usual and I had many more things added on my uniform from when they saw me (well actually everything – my unit tag, my beret, pin on the beret, pin on my uniform, dog tag cover…you get the picture). And one other thing that I had with me when I met them at the airport was my gun, something that I was actually very proud to see them with because in my opinion that’s one of the things that shows that you’re a fighter in this army and shows the responsibility you have walking around with an actual firearm. Because from where most of us grow up, seeing anyone with a gun is a frightening sight…here, it is very regular to see the fighters with their guns and I was happy to finally be joining that honorable group. It was really great spending time with my parents on the beach in Tel Aviv and just feeling like I was on vacation and being able to see my friends at night.

During the weekend it dawned on me that the next four weeks before the course would start were going to end up being awfully dull and tedious and realized that by the time my course would end, it would almost be a year in the army, the amount of time in which I can use an allotted 30 days to travel to the U.S. to see friends and family. So I on a spur of the moment and relatively last minute, I flew to the U.S. for 15 days to see friends and family that I hadn’t seen over the span of a year – I like to think of it as a reunion tour of sorts. I wasn’t really sure what the feeling was going to be like to fly to America and be a tourist of sorts and to answer questions about what I do and also if I was going to miss being in Israel or realize that maybe America was a better place for me. That somewhat made me anxious because then I would have many mixed feelings about what I was doing in Israel. But, I decided it was definitely worth it to go through with the trip.

The first stop on this tour was the L.A. area where I ended up at Camp Ramah for the weekend, going there to surprise everyone and see the adults with special needs which I had worked with for a few summers because, to be honest, I missed them as much as anyone throughout my time in Israel. It was really excellent to see so many friends in one place and to be at a place where I wouldn’t hesitate to say has been one of my “secondary homes” throughout the years. On the way out of California, I visited my Uncle Danny and Aunt Helene in Oxnard and was able to spend a quality day with them. My next stop on my tour was to see the city which I grew up in – Albuquerque, New Mexico. I travelled to see my grandparents whom I hadn’t seen in a very long time and it was just so nice to sit with them and talk about life. After seeing them, I headed back to Tucson for the first time since last June. Besides seeing all of my family and friends, it was a weird but nice feeling to see the city which I had called home for seven years before moving to Israel (of course it is always better in every place when you have the feeling of vacation and are free of most responsibilities).

The time then came to make my way back here, back home. I had a really great time in America, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to be returning to Israel. When I was randomly placed next to an Israeli on the place from Tucson to Chicago, I realized how much I loved being Israeli, simply being able to talk in Hebrew when the opportunity popped up and be even more proud of the fact that I was Jewish than when I lived in America. As I boarded the plane from London to Tel Aviv, I began to gain a sense of satisfaction. This stemmed from the feeling that I had just travelled as an Israeli for the first time and almost carried myself as a messenger and liaison to show others how great Israelis are and how great the country is and the fact that it was me that had this awesome job. On Sunday, I begin a new chapter in my army experience and my path as an Israeli. It is going to be challenging but in the end I also know it will be rewarding. Because who would want to be bored anyways when instead you can get pushed to the limits both physically and mentally in order to become to best possible soldier in defending the country you love? I know I wouldn’t…and that’s why I’m happy to be back in this great country of Israel.

The End of the Beginning

June 24 – End of Advanced Training

When I left my house about a year ago, I really didn’t know what to expect with this army thing. I had convinced myself that I would be better off as a straight-up educator in the army instead of a combat soldier. Besides, I had experience in this and it would let my family and friends sleep easier at night. Slowly but surely, however, I convinced myself otherwise – if the country wanted me in a certain way, I would go with the flow. So when I arrived to the tanks unit seven months ago, I knew I would be in for a very new experience.

Now this day had arrived – the end of advanced training where I would officially become a "fighter" in the Israeli army. I would now be able to be called up in wars or missions, I would be moving up a rank, and I wouldn’t be completely looked down upon as a "young" soldier. These are the days when I look back and see how fast time really goes. One year from a 22 year old college graduate to a 23 year old fighter in the army of the country that I love.

The whole week was very celebratory, topping it off with something that we had been looking forward to for a while – breaking distance with our commanders. The tanks are notorious for having some of the highest discipline and they wait until the last day to put the commander/soldier thing on the side and make it more like a person to person relationship. Some get excited for this on that general level of evening the playing field; others have personal things to score. For example, I was finally able to speak in English with my American-Israeli commander. He really had become another role model for me, particularly because of the similarities and him being in the tanks unit (where there are less Americans than many infantry units).

We didn’t sleep the whole night before the ceremony and it felt great. We arrived at Latrun, the place of the ceremony, and all looked like zombies, but happy ones at that. We spent the whole day in the heat and humidity practicing, where in the end we would receive a pin of a tank for our uniforms. Again, like my swearing-in ceremony, I was very fortunate to have friends and family in attendance supporting me. This made it an even more meaningful day where I could show them what I had accomplished up until now.

As the ceremony started, we marched in and took our places. Some important people spoke, the "best soldiers" got certificates, and it was on to the pin giving. My general had told me that had there been a best soldier that the other soldiers and commanders choose (which there is occasionally), I would have received that honor. This man also just doesn’t say things stam (as Israelis say), he means them. He's the only one from the commanders/generals that had been with me from day one and always stuck with me. When I thought about moving to a different brigade of the tanks, he begged one of the head guys to keep me so he could turn me into a good soldier and convinced me to stay and try. This ended up being a great decision on many accounts – friends, experiences, knowledge, confidence, etc.

It is a tradition throughout the army that commanders and generals give their pins to soldiers rather than new ones as a sign of passing down the good work they had done. I thought maybe I might get my commander's pin. As he came around and I was one of the last ones without a pin, I saw he had already given his away. I knew he had given it to my new friend in the second staff of my commander, Iliya, so that made me happy because he had joined us late and was better than most at what he did. My commander said some very nice and significant words to me, asked me if I'd write about this in my blog (because it turns out he had been reading it the whole time), put the pin above the button on left pocket of the shirt, then gave me a few punches on the shoulder and chest, more like "love taps" in the army. A few seconds later, another commander, one who wasn’t even in my division inside of the platoon, came to me and started to take my new pin off and switch it for his. This man had really done a lot for me. He taught me many things I would have never known about the tank, always pushed me to give even more effort, and encouraged and helped progress my Hebrew learning. I like to think we became sort of friends through it all, even if commanders and soldiers in the tanks don’t do that until it's all said and done. As he finished giving me his pin, he also gave me a hit. However, it was in the stomach so as to surprise me – or maybe so that I'll never forget who gave me that pin.

Just like many ends, it was also sad to say bye to the guys. We are all going our separate ways to different "battle lines" in order to guard and be ready for anything that might happen. Also, a group of 10 or so out of every 40 is going to tank commander's course, a high honor that brings a difficult three months of learning all there is to know about the tank. As surprised as others may be just as I was, I was chosen to become a tank commander! I can’t even find the words to describe how wild it is to think that I will have to opportunity to command tanks when only one year ago I didn’t think combat and I would go together. The commanders know that the language is hard for me, but I suppose they see beyond that. It's also about responsibility, trust, organization, etc. I feel very honored that they saw some traits in me that led them to believe I could become a commander, as many deserving people (maybe even more deserving) weren’t offered. This whole ordeal proved another thing to me, too, for now and for the future – if you have a will, a purpose, for all that you do and always give it your best, good things will happen and you and others around will thrive. The country wants me to become even more of a leader and I am ready for the challenge. Because in the end, I'm doing what she needs from me, and doing so the best I can.

Interesting Birthday to Me

June 18

You know that feeling. The one you get when you've reached the end of something that had a defined finish line. You get jumpy, giddy – simply proud of your accomplishments. In the army, you add on the feeling of wanting to break that precious distance with the commanders and the end of training feeling is one of a kind. Although the army can be very unorganized sometimes and drawn out to be longer than it needs to be, it can still have its fun, challenging moments (even if it means having more intensive weeks because of something we may have missed). In addition, it was another three weeks straight without going home, meaning we had to be mentally ready for that, too.

Our tank had gone from the furthest advanced in training to the furthest behind in a span of a few weeks and we knew what lied ahead of us – make-up work. We had to do all of this while also doing the final tests as a staff. This didn’t just include tank driving and firing and things of that nature. It also included a test on how well we can recognize enemy tanks, how well we know the radio system, and first aide and things of that nature. Think of it as a final exam and it makes more sense. As a staff, we decided we weren’t going to do a 50% job, but rather give it our all and show why they chose us as the "best" so-to-speak from the get-go. It would take a lot of work, but it could also be fun.

The first week of the "21" as they call these three week stints was very tiring because of all of those tests, but much more preferred to doing only guarding or doing kitchen as well. We busted our butts and finished the week tabbed as either number one or 2 in the platoon (they didn't want to say who was first because of that competitive controversy stuff, like between brothers). But we also didn’t care, because we did the best that we could and on a personal level, I saw how much I had learned about the army, not just driving tanks. I had finished the necessary training to make it to the next level and I felt real good about that.

The Shabbat after, I found myself lying in bed throwing up which happened to many people as something was going around. I received my first ever IV and felt really weak. Many people tried to stretch out more sick days from this but I had made a pact with myself that I didn’t just come here for nothing and pushed myself. Plus, the next week was a fun one anyways; it was Hebrew ulpan week for all immigrants with less than perfect Hebrew. I really enjoyed this week and learned a lot. However, on one day, I got pulled out to help the platoon in the shetach since there was a lack of drivers, and although I didn’t want to do this at the time, it would pay its dividends shortly. Overall, it was a very fun week to say the least.

The reason it paid off to do the day of training is because the following week, nine people were chosen to go and do a special week-long training with the infantry forces of Givati and I was one of them. They were going to be doing their war simulation week and we were going to be joining them. We slept a lot less than usual and had less supplies, water, and food than usual, but I wouldn’t hesitate to say it was my most fun week of training I've done up to this point. The shetach was beautiful with boulders, flowers, trees, blue skies with clouds, and rolling hills of green for kilometers on end. Well, at least it was completely like that unitl I and the fellow drivers ran a lot of it over, including full trees. Yes, I'm guilty (and sorry) for contributing to destroying the environment.

The end of the week brought me to June 18 – my birthday. Usually before my birthday I feel it coming, some anticipation. For some reason, maybe the fact that time flies faster than usual here, it snuck up on me. Or maybe it was that it was the most different and interesting birthday I have ever had. I received beautiful and warm wishes from family and friends and at the end of the day my great adoptive family took me out for a nice steak dinner and my friends took me out to a club. But it was before that which made it so interesting. Waking up at 3 AM to drive a tank for about 10 kilometers and three hours of time was never something I dreamt of doing on my birthday.

It was then I realized how much I had become integrated into the army. And I thought how regular it had become to wake up and be in the army or after a weekend at home to travel back to the army and not feel completely depressed. I had felt like I had overcome the hardest (in my opinion) about the army – the mental aspect, not the physical one. At the beginning, it was extremely difficult to return or even think about the week that would be. Now, here I was at the (army-old) age of 23 and I felt like I had done it, I had overcome that. It may not have been a birthday I would have ever drawn up in my head, but it might have been the most influential in my life, at least considering where I am and what I am doing. I was now 23 and the training was coming to an end, but in essence it was really only beginning – because I realized different life lessons along the journey that is the Israeli army that will only help me from here on out.

A day of rest

May 29

Shabbat Shalom. This is a phrase that almost every Jew and several non-Jews say in Israel before the Sabbath starts on Friday evening, wishing people a peaceful and restful day. But when I think of how I’ve spent Shabbat in the past, I think of glamorous meals or visiting other homes or Mom’s matzah ball soup. I don’t think I ever imagined spending Shabbat the way I am right now, two weekends in a row.

As I write this in the middle of the night, I am gazing at a picturesque sky filled with stars that seem to be brighter than usual. They can be seen over a horizon line that has multiple armored vehicles of which I am guarding this weekend, while the previous weekend was the tanks. Although it’s really dirty here and extremely hot and there are enough flies to make you go psycho, it is also really peaceful to do Shabbat camping in the desert, the shetach as we call it, and that is what Shabbat is all about. It’s not like this is my first time guarding out here or certainly not spending a night either – trust me, I’ve done that a-plenty. But it’s different on Shabbat because I guess I have time to enjoy it.

The last two weeks were supposed to be a lot of tank training but they turned into a lot of waiting around for our turn. As I previously stated, being in the highest-rated tank isn’t always a good thing. We were far advanced so we had to let others practice to catch up, not to mention we received many new (and great) soldiers from other units that had to start from scratch. This gave me feelings of angst and impatience because I wanted to do the training (it’s much better than the kitchen, my least favorite thing that exists in the army). We waited our turn. And waited. Sometimes they would tease with us it seemed by bringing us to the shetach to the tanks but then wake up only to work on them mechanically rather than have fun and train on them. Let’s just say this is annoying, plain and simple. The first Shabbat through all of this I didn’t want to stay in the shetach. Wouldn’t you rather have air conditioning all day on base instead of 90 degree weather by the time 8 AM rolls around with a swarm of flies on the side? If you answered no, we can talk about that later. But it just felt so free to be lying there with only three other people overlooking a whole world that sounded silent, peaceful.

The second week of (non) training was even hotter – we had to stop because of the heat multiple times. Finally, at the end of the week, it was our turn to do a drill with the tank. I was ecstatic and we told ourselves we had to show everyone, especially the generals, how good we really were and that they were wasting our time, so to speak. This exercise was really fun – we did all sorts of situational firing and attacking, not to mention our first shell, with which our gunner, Mickey, hit the target. We were proud of ourselves and also relieved like all soldiers all – we had made it to Shabbat.

This time, I wanted to be here with my friends in the middle of nowhere making Shabbat rather than still having timed meals or checks that everyone is present. Of course I’d rather be home in the kibbutz, but this place is a good way to feel some freedom after a week of taking commands. I still have to guard, but it isn’t so bad. Shabbat is the day of rest and here, at 4:30 in the morning, I feel free and like I’m putting the hard work from the week behind me. I am a mere three and a half weeks from finishing all of the tank training, being called an official “tankist,” being comat ready, and from finishing something I never thought I’d do or remotely want to do. But it is something I want because even when I stare out and see nothing, I know the land is much more than that and depends on me and my fellow soldiers.