Avoiding Twin Thieves

July 9

It is said sometimes that we as humans try to vicariously live our lives through other people. We begin to idolize a person or a cause and take so much ownership over how the person feels, acts, reacts, performs, and simply lives. In my life, I’m pretty sure my first experience of this was my Dad and my brother. Making sure I listened to the same music as my dad, played like my brother in sports, and made proud the family name were how I accomplished this. Of course, as time went on, it turned into athletes, counselors, and friends. I suppose I was always trying to acquire different attributes of those I admired most rather than focusing on my true self.

It’s much too hard to tell when I feel as though I started to take on my own image instead of taking on parts of others. I hope that I am myself more than others but that’s not for me to judge. It sounds simple and cliché to say “just be yourself.” But it’s so important to live like this because when a person is genuine, it creates an atmosphere that is just enjoyable to live in. Individuality is something that should be valued high; when it is not, and our focus shifts elsewhere, then we miss out on the goodness of one another.

However, even after preaching such values, I am guilty of the aforementioned vicarious thoughts. Last night, I caught my friends Mike Dolinka and Danny Fleischer via telephone prior to their trip to New York. This trip to the Big Apple was only a pit stop before their Aliyah would begin. As part of my Aliyah process, I actually had marked July 9 on my mental calendar as a big day. These two people are huge motivation factors in my decision because it’s comforting to know people so “similar” to me, people of the same relative age, life status, and nationality. Having a whole group, my Garin, is amazing; having two great friends in it before it all starts makes it even better.

Needless to say, time had zoomed by to the point where I couldn’t believe that their day was remotely close. The date’s fast approach almost made it almost completely elude my mind, and I’m not too sure what sparked the recall. I was fortunate to be at the play Wicked and even more to go backstage after the show. On that stage it occurred to me that I wasn’t all there in the head. I was thinking of other things, daydreaming about the thoughts of tomorrow and the life that had passed. These friends of mine were taking the biggest step and now all I can do is follow suit in a month.

Thinking about yesterdays and tomorrows is all well and good, but it can not be our only thoughts. TODAY has to be our sole thought. Avi Taff, my supervisor at camp and someone who went through this same process only a few years ago, handed me a poem a couple of weeks back that I can not get out of my head even the slightest: “The Station” by Robert Hastings. It speaks of the pleasure of life not being the destination but rather the journey.

The poem reads, “Sooner or later, we realize there is no station, no one place to arrive. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.” Later on it says the following which should be reverberated in everyone’s head many times each day. “It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.”

Don’t get caught red-handed by these thieves. Live in each moment. Today, Danny, Mike, and others from my Garin did themselves well and lived for the present. Although it may sound contradicting, I can only think of the day when I will say to myself, “I am doing this; I’m doing Aliyah NOW – not tomorrow, not next month, but now.” At that moment I will have left regrets behind and pushed fears aside and come into my own, my now. My now is quickly on its way.