Real World - Israel

September 18

I can’t honestly say that my love for Israel is above anyone else’s nor might it ever be. There are numerous people here who have a deep connection, especially those like me with no Israeli blood but chose to move to this historical and beautiful place. But I can say that the abstract ideas that pushed me to take this leap of faith are ones that I am devoted to and passionate about. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how one looks at a situation), with every dream, reality has a chance to set in on what is really taking place and possibly alter the picture of the dream, for better or for worse. This is the case now in my adventure.

After my army testing day, I received an envelope telling me my possible options for the army. Because of my physical profile, my list was smaller than any other male’s here, but that made it easier to narrow it down, so to speak. My top two choices ended up being tanks and combat engineering. That sentence wasn’t even a real thought a year ago and now it was coming into a more real state. Following this choice, I had a couple of interviews with generals and told the story of my Aliyah (for the ^th time) and explained who I was. All of this was making it more real, but these were still conversations I’ve had in the past. Things kept progressing…

This past Sunday and Monday, everyone in Garin Tzabar attended a seminar. Sunday consisted of a series of lectures, in Hebrew, about the current state of the Middle East conflict and some historical things about the land of Israel. However, one thing that stuck out was a movie that was done by someone who photographed and documented events and interviewed peopled during the war two years ago in Lebanon. Look, I know war is real and it’s not a game and I also know that what happened here two years ago was something people would like to forget about. But this movie…it hit me. Hard.

I imaginatively put myself in the shoes of those soldiers and, for the first time, pictured myself in a legitimate battle. The people in the movie were in tank units. That could be me (G-d forbid in a war). I was scared out of my mind. I couldn’t get the thought to leave me. “What am I doing?” I would ask myself. “Why am I here?” My brain was cluttered with more feared thoughts than I had had in a long time.

Sleeping that night was a little more difficult than usual due to the plethora of thoughts in my head. But Monday brought another side to the journey, the journey from dream to reality. We watched a live army exercise at the base at which I will probably be stationed. This was complete with explosions, tanks, canons, and guns. It was all becoming more tangible. I even went in a tank for the first time.

This led me to today. I received my official draft letter from the army. On it read my day I officially start (October 6), my length of service, and what I’ll receive on that day (although I start October 6, basic training doesn't start until mid-November, another month the army gives me to prepare). I looked at the letter and kept wondering what most of the Hebrew said and what October 6 is going to be like. I then kept thinking back to the movie and the army experience. Why was I here?

In the end, as I write this, I keep trying to find answers to that question. I think back to the reasons that pushed me here – the people who fought for this Jewish land are a big motivation factor. Over 2,000 years our people were in exile from a land and it’s a necessity to have a Jewish land. I keep telling myself I need Israel – and I’m finding reasons why Israel needs me. Also, thinking back to the poem that I was introduced to this summer, I can’t get robbed of today because of regrets and fears. I must take the fear and change it to motivation to help continue to build the land of Israel. David Ben-Gurion said “עם בונה צבא בונה עם” – a nation that builds an army builds a nation. This journey is important to me and the Jewish people. Reality is setting in. No fear.

Testing, Testing: 1, 2, 3

September 3

The definition of integrating is as follows: to bring together or incorporate parts into a whole. Over the past three weeks, I have tried my best at this integration process. I have tried only speaking Hebrew in public, keeping Shabbat in observant neighborhoods in Jerusalem, and taking public transportation with a mindset of an Israeli – the idea that I’m getting to where I need to go, regardless. Certainly I’ve learned it’s a process and might continue for a long time, but the last two weeks have given me some major moments in my progression to being “Israeli.”

My main part of integrating into society so far has been my joining into the kibbutz life. I received an adoptive family and they are wonderful. They have three children, a 21 year old boy, 18 year old girl, and a 13 year old boy. He is essentially my little brother and it’s fun to have one for the first time. Another thing I’ve started doing in the kibbutz is my work. Everyone that is a member of the kibbutz must work in order to get his/her share of the food and education and things of that nature. Within our group, people’s work spans from dishes to gardening and fish farming to museum helpers. I got placed in the petting zoo. At first, hearing this, I wondered how bored I would get petting and feeding animals all day. To my surprise, the work is very hard physical labor that requires seven hours of focus and dedication. It may sound like I’m exaggerating about the job, but I am not. Keeping a place to live in order for almost 100 animals such as roosters, ducks, rabbits, and goats is more work that one could imagine. I have worked with more tools to clean up animals’ waste and living areas than I think I’ve ever used overall in my life…and there have only been two work days.

But probably the biggest thing that I’m doing to become more integrated is joining the army. This country revolves around the army and everyone feels some sort of connection to it. Noam Jonah, JJ’s oldest son, was playing with me last Shabbat and his role play was being my big brother who was in the Israeli Army. He’s six years old and just started first grade this week.

Yesterday, I along with the rest of my group trekked to Tiberias to do our tzav rishon, our first army tests. Here we would be taking a Hebrew test, a psychological test with analogies on the computer, and receiving our physical profile from the doctor. Tzav rishon only happens once, so you have to score as best as you can on everything.

We arrived at 8 AM and got started with everyone’s favorite pastime – urinating into a cup. Then it all just went into an organized free-for-all. The whole thing had the separate stations and people helping everywhere, but it was a madhouse all day. My name was called first and I scanned a card I had received and I stepped into a room with many female soldiers and some computers. I didn’t know it at the time but this was my Hebrew test. It started with innocent questions about who I am until in the middle my soldier I was talking to whipped out a binder and asked me to read sentences and explain what they meant using other Hebrew words. After that I wrote for her. Then I talked for her. I was reassured by this soldier that even Israeli teens find this test hard. I had finished the Hebrew section with only one thing on my mind – I hope I didn’t completely fail.

Next I moved to the psychological computer tests which felt SAT style…except I only had 10 minutes to answer 30 questions on two separate tests. I was happy to get that over with. After that it was to the doctor I went where I waited for a while to get a physical. I knew having bad eyesight would bring down my profile number, I was just hoping that would be it. There are countless stories of these doctors discovering irregular heartbeats or things of that nature which weren’t realized by other doctors (strange but true). I received no information about new things that would lower my profile, found out that I’m still legally blind without my glasses, and got the third highest profile number, which is the lowest possible for men to have combat jobs.

I was done with the stations. Now I had to play the waiting game to see what type of Hebrew score I received. Two through five meant extra ulpan (Hebrew class) with other immigrants and going into units even later. Six through nine meant I was like most other Israelis who took the test and could do anything based on my physical profile. I received the news after three hours that I…had passed! I got a seven! I was gleaming with joy and disbelief. The long day brought me good news and instilled confidence into my Hebrew skills.

My first steps into the army were over. I am now in the system. My next two years are starting to take shape and it has started on the right foot. Of course I still have a lot of work to do – physically, mentally, in Hebrew skills. But I’m on my way and I like the path so far that I am on; the road ahead looks bright. Within the next few weeks I might choose my job in the army. But for now, I’m replaying the waiting game and practicing more integration. I need to finish the definition and incorporate all of the parts together into a whole – that of an Israeli.