Real World - Israel

September 18

I can’t honestly say that my love for Israel is above anyone else’s nor might it ever be. There are numerous people here who have a deep connection, especially those like me with no Israeli blood but chose to move to this historical and beautiful place. But I can say that the abstract ideas that pushed me to take this leap of faith are ones that I am devoted to and passionate about. Unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how one looks at a situation), with every dream, reality has a chance to set in on what is really taking place and possibly alter the picture of the dream, for better or for worse. This is the case now in my adventure.

After my army testing day, I received an envelope telling me my possible options for the army. Because of my physical profile, my list was smaller than any other male’s here, but that made it easier to narrow it down, so to speak. My top two choices ended up being tanks and combat engineering. That sentence wasn’t even a real thought a year ago and now it was coming into a more real state. Following this choice, I had a couple of interviews with generals and told the story of my Aliyah (for the ^th time) and explained who I was. All of this was making it more real, but these were still conversations I’ve had in the past. Things kept progressing…

This past Sunday and Monday, everyone in Garin Tzabar attended a seminar. Sunday consisted of a series of lectures, in Hebrew, about the current state of the Middle East conflict and some historical things about the land of Israel. However, one thing that stuck out was a movie that was done by someone who photographed and documented events and interviewed peopled during the war two years ago in Lebanon. Look, I know war is real and it’s not a game and I also know that what happened here two years ago was something people would like to forget about. But this movie…it hit me. Hard.

I imaginatively put myself in the shoes of those soldiers and, for the first time, pictured myself in a legitimate battle. The people in the movie were in tank units. That could be me (G-d forbid in a war). I was scared out of my mind. I couldn’t get the thought to leave me. “What am I doing?” I would ask myself. “Why am I here?” My brain was cluttered with more feared thoughts than I had had in a long time.

Sleeping that night was a little more difficult than usual due to the plethora of thoughts in my head. But Monday brought another side to the journey, the journey from dream to reality. We watched a live army exercise at the base at which I will probably be stationed. This was complete with explosions, tanks, canons, and guns. It was all becoming more tangible. I even went in a tank for the first time.

This led me to today. I received my official draft letter from the army. On it read my day I officially start (October 6), my length of service, and what I’ll receive on that day (although I start October 6, basic training doesn't start until mid-November, another month the army gives me to prepare). I looked at the letter and kept wondering what most of the Hebrew said and what October 6 is going to be like. I then kept thinking back to the movie and the army experience. Why was I here?

In the end, as I write this, I keep trying to find answers to that question. I think back to the reasons that pushed me here – the people who fought for this Jewish land are a big motivation factor. Over 2,000 years our people were in exile from a land and it’s a necessity to have a Jewish land. I keep telling myself I need Israel – and I’m finding reasons why Israel needs me. Also, thinking back to the poem that I was introduced to this summer, I can’t get robbed of today because of regrets and fears. I must take the fear and change it to motivation to help continue to build the land of Israel. David Ben-Gurion said “עם בונה צבא בונה עם” – a nation that builds an army builds a nation. This journey is important to me and the Jewish people. Reality is setting in. No fear.