Tick, tock...Tanks

October 23

The clock is starting to tick. The feelings are getting stronger. The nerves are getting tenser. It’s all becoming more and more real. The army is now less than a month away and I couldn’t be more excited and scared at the same time.

About one week ago I received news that every 17 or 18 year old receives – a letter or phone call with one’s placement for the army. This will be the unit with whom I do basic training, advanced training, and beyond. Of course things can eventually change, but this will be the mainstay of my life for the next two years.

Starting on November 23, I will begin serving in a tank unit. Like many of the things that have happened or will happen to me here, I couldn’t have even pictured that as part of my future. Combat is going to be a part of me, regardless of what I begin to feel or other people’s opinions.

Yesterday, two girls from our group were the first to have their draft day and began their basic training. The army was no longer a distant thought within our group of friends, our family – it was real. They left the kibbutz in their uniforms with their huge bags and looks of angst and anticipation. We were all proud of them and could definitely feel a part of the group sink away with the thought of them leaving.

Just last week, I came into conversation with more Israelis about my situation here. It’s usually more on the, “Good luck!” side, but I also received the, “Are you crazy? Why did you come here?” questions. To the second set, it can be difficult to convince other people of why I made the decision I did. It has only been two months since I made the move here, but when it comes down to it, the only person I need to convince is myself.

Slowly but surely, we will all have our draft dates where we begin to be put through some amount of time of hell while eating dirt (for lack of a better word) and feeling utterly exhausted. I have days when I feel ready and anxious to start. I have others when I want to continue the life I have with kibbutz life, relaxing, and Hebrew learning. Either way, I have one more month of waiting; all I can do is try to mentally prepare while at the same time live my life as I know how – as me. The tanks are in my future. Living in the middle of the desert is in my future. Going home only every three weeks is as well. But, as Israelis say יהיה בסדר, yihiyeh b’seder – it will all be OK.