Pre-conceived Notions

June 3, 2008

I was trying to continuously think when was the best time to start writing in this journal; should I wait until I am on the plane that is the gateway to a changed and new life? Or should I preface the journey with my feelings prior to the experiences that await me? I didn’t really come to a decision, I just was sitting on an airplane, bored, and became motivated by the music streaming through my ears (“Touch of Grey” by the Grateful Dead).

After naming off examples of things that aren’t so good and after claiming, “Every silver lining’s got a touch of grey,” they top it off with the line that, “I will get by.” This isn’t to say that I’m hoping to barely get by in all that I do over the next (insert number here) years. The Dead really do speak to us in this case.

Life is full of challenges. I don’t even think I fully grasp this concept at my wise, old age of 21 years, 11 months, and 15 days. But it’s clear to me at this point that life isn’t always smooth sailing and, come to think of it, if it were, it would be quite boring. The Grateful Dead are stressing that everything will be alright as long as we take what’s presented to us, kick hard times in the butt, and carry a positive outlook with us everywhere we go. Sounds challenging itself, but doable to say the least.

I think a lot of people would agree with me about the notion that an “easy life” might be filled with moments of boredom and regret for not having tried to do the extra thing, reach for the furthest star. When a trusted, kind individual who you consider your Israeli dad (JJ Jonah) tells you at 1:30 in the morning on a weekday while making a special visit just to relay a message saying you can’t live with regrets, I know it’s legit (and everyone else does as well if they know Mr. Jonah). Especially when it’s leaving behind a great life I’ve had for a new ass-kicking in the Israeli army, it must be the right choice because it feels natural and, of course, I wouldn’t want to regret not taking on the new challenge. I don’t know what’s in store. Nobody really does (except maybe that almighty figure up above).

Hadag Nachash probably says it best: Mah she bah sababa – מה שבא סבבה whatever comes will be great.

Since making the official decision to go through with the aliyah process, I almost feel like a professional athlete with how many questions I’ve fielded (hmm professional athlete, maybe I’ll pursue that). Are you scared? What does your family think? Why go to Israel when you have a degree here and could get a good job? What made you reach this decision? I’ll try to now answer these to the best of my ability.

The greatest thing about having a loving family is that I can mention a crazy idea like this one to them and they don’t disown me on the spot. It may not be their first choice for my next step, but they’ll gladly step with me as far as I go. Physically from afar, close mentally.

I’ve had fun jokes with my friends since making the decision that my reasons for joining the army and moving to Israel are solely superficial. Although I can’t deny all of them, here are some of the fun reasons: to get the girls, the glory, the food, to get a rock hard body, etc. (you can figure out which ones might be real).

I know this much: Israel doesn’t need me. She doesn’t need me to roam the land on government money. She doesn’t need me in her army. She doesn’t need my cheap spending ways (yes, I know, I finally admitted to being cheap). She doesn’t need me. Period. I NEED HER. My people didn’t have a home for 2,000 years – years full of persecution, destruction, and attempted annihilation. Sixty years ago, my people, the Jewish people, made a push to form a Jewish homeland and succeeded. These weren’t just pioneers – these were miracle workers. So many have fought so hard to ensure a Jewish land and that is my land, too. Who cares if after years of Israel education and numerous visits there that I so arrogantly feel as though I’ve reached a different level with the land, right? I’m sure that’s what it seems like to some. But after hearing and reading accounts of what some people did to safeguard what we know as Israel today, it wouldn’t do them justice for me to not do what I’m doing. I am not going because I essentially owe them something. I’m going because I owe myself something as a Jew – to live in a free, Jewish state. I need her because I’m Jewish. That’s the simplest way I can put it.

There are several words or concepts or ideas that frighten people from the moment they arrive into people’s minds. Cancer is one. Holocaust is another. Army and war are right up there with the best of them. Even though my parents have (thankfully) let me drive to California numerous times and let me travel around the world, sometimes on my own accord, the idea of going to the army is an instant, scary thought. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little afraid of what I’m doing. But I think it’s more of a fear of moving to a new environment and a fear of possibly being overwhelmed with culture shock. I guess that will play its course.

Babe Ruth from “The Sandlot” said, “Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance either because they’re too scared or they don’t recognize it when it spits on their shoes.” I’m ready to do something great. I’m ready to take the leap of faith for myself and the Jewish people. This is the time. This is living the dream of Hertzl and those who laid the foundations. This is my life.